Be My Valentine

Be My Valentine

If you have school age children, you know Valentine’s Day is a big deal.  Young children’s classes usually have a Valentine’s Day party complete with notes to one another saying something reaffirming to one another.  The children love receiving the kind notes from their classmates, often taking to heart what the Valentine’s Cards say (“You’re Sweet!”; “You’re Kind!”; “You Matter To Me!”).  The day leaves their little love tanks filled and their egos puffed up. 

Now if you’re a parent of said kid, it’s a pain to ready those Valentine’s.  Gifts are not my love language-at all-so I’m not that Pinterest mom making cute gifts to the classmates.  But words of encouragement-yeah, I got that!  We can remind children they are seen, loved, known and are capable of good things. It’s also an opportunity to remind ourselves.

If you’re a stay-at-home parent, I’ve come to realize that there are two basic human needs that can feel unmet: 1) Feeling seen and 2) Feeling known. Your days are spent feeding kids, cleaning up after meals, shuttling kids back and forth to school and practices, doing the laundry, wiping booties and more.  And you never “clock out”.  You don’t receive a paycheck for your efforts.  There’s no employee evaluation form telling you good job or needs work in an area.  No, often there are tiny terror bosses that take out their frustrations on you.  Oh, and don’t forget, how you manage your children will probably determine what kind of adult they become.  So no pressure or anything.

Now, these are things that all parents feel, yes.  But when you’re a stay at home parent, you are 100% immersed in these feelings.  There are no colleagues to talk to.  There’s no accountability to get dressed and look presentable.  In fact, your’e so far on the back burner of taking care of yourself, you’re usually just grateful for a hot shower.  You don’t feel seen.  You don’t feel known.  And when you start thinking those thoughts, those thoughts become your reality.  Down the spiral of negativity we go until our feelings of being unseen and unheard affect the relationships with everyone around us.  I’ve been there.  I bet you have to.  And if you are there now, let me tell you something: you have a choice. You can choose what you think. 

So what should you be thinking?  Well, before I tell you that, let me tell you this: There’s a verse in the Bible with four words/commands that can change your life by changing the way you think.  You ready?  “Be still and KNOW.” (Ps 46:10). I bet you’ve heard it.  But have you thought about what it means?  I’ve got the sign in my house and recently I thought… “Ok, know… know what?”  God wants you to be still, so you can pray and get to know HIM.  Yeah.  Know Him.  Know that He is God.  That He sees you, hears you and knows you better than you know yourself.  Those basic human needs that arise from the time we’re children to feel seen and known?  Yeah that comes from God.  God longs for us to know Him. 

Have you ever thought of why God really wants you to know Him though? Because when you get to know God more, when He starts revealing more of Himself to you, He knows YOU are going to feel seen, heard and known.  Yes!  That’s right: getting to know God means you also get known.  God in His infinite wisdom gave us that simple command to simply be still and get to know Him because He knows it’s the ONLY way we as kids, parents, people are going to truly feel seen and feel known, fully known, and fully loved.

So Mom, Dad, and all those in between, when you start to feel buried under the mundane activities of life and feel like you’re invisible and don’t matter, make the choice to be still.  To close your eyes, breathe and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal more of God to you.  And as the God of the Universe invites you to get to know Him more, may you enjoy the peace and fulfillment of someone not only seeing you, not only hearing you, not only knowing you fully, but loving you so much that He has made you His forever Valentine.  

Everywhere and Nowhere

People have been telling me for a while now I need to really invest in my social media presence.  I own a fitness program; I’m a guest on a radio show each month; I occasionally do online classes… I’m a fitness guru, I’m a mom and I’m married to my childhood sweetheart.  There’s a lot I could - and feel like I need- to say to encourage people.  And yet, day after day, there is one thing after the next calling my attention away from what I feel like I “could” be doing.

So today, I said, no-when my kids nap, I’ll have about an hour and a half.  Man, I can really get some stuff done then.  So, kids down, check.  I retreat to my home office, check.  I get out my brand new camera (thanks to my awesome hubby) and start setting it up.  Awesome.  I’m going to film some great material.  (I feel like I need to tell you here that I can be technologically challenged when something is “new” to me.  So you can imagine how long it took me to hit that record button.) Record.  I start talking and out of nowhere I hear a small, whispered voice…..  “Mom….my legs are itching.”  

Are you kidding me?  You’ve been in that bed like a nanosecond and you’re gonna bounce down this hall, after I finally-finally-start doing something professionally productive and tell me your leg is itching?  At first, I wanted to just yell.  But I didn’t.  He got his lotion on his legs and back to bed he went.  I was frustrated. But then I remembered (or I should say God reminded me) that what I perceived as something so “little” interrupting my “big” doing, well to my kid, that “little” thing was a big thing.  And to him, Mom can fix it.  Kids have no idea how to differentiate the vital from the trivial.  And let’s face it, most adults don’t either.  But what I do know, is he needs me and he thinks I can fix everything that bothers him.  Oooof, gut punch.  And welcome to humility again, Stacey.  

I’d love to tell you that after that charade, I sat back down and cranked out some awesome videos that will just revolutionize your life.  But I didn’t.  No, instead our one year old puppy couldn’t decide whether or not he needed to go outside, so there he sat ringing the “go outside bells”.  That does not make for great video background.  I’d try to get him to go outside, only to have him run back inside.  Finally, I retreated to my office to try once more and here came the dog, only satisfied to be perched on my lap.  But it was lap or ring those bells again.  So I yielded.  

Isn’t that what motherhood is?  We are constantly yielding our wants, sometimes even our needs, to the demands of someone or something else.  Whew… it doesn’t take long before we feel forgotten, empty, pushed and pulled by the demands of life to the point we feel like we don’t know if we’re coming or going.  Is it just me?  And if you don’t revel in motherhood 24/7, you feel guilt.  Nasty, ugly, covered in shame, GUILT.  Our minds spin out of control, going everywhere but taking us nowhere.  At least nowhere good.  What do we do?

Stop.  Remember, we were made for THIS moment.  Yeah, this one.  The one where the kid needs lotion on his leg and the dog thinks he’s in a handbell choir.  Yeah, those moments.  My “plans” got interrupted, but you know what it did?  It set me on a different path.  Because right now, my kids are up from naps, eating a snack and I’m actually able to write all these thoughts down.  “For so the heavens are higher than the earth, so are Your ways higher than my ways.”  

God sees the itchy legs, the crazy dog, the messy house that’s sending your OCD (ok, this is mostly specific to me probably) into overdrive.  He didn’t put you in the wrong place at the wrong time.  He made you, He made me, He made my kids and this day- and I can choose frustration for things not going my way.  Or I can choose to serve the people around me who need something; to find joy based not on how well things are going but in the Father who holds every moment of my day.  I can choose to remember I am seen.  I am heard.  And dear friend, so are you.  And lean in close to hear this: you are more loved than you know.   

Finding Contentment In Your Current Stage of Life

Contentment...we hear that word in church.  We hear it on self-help ads and even throw the word around when we're trying to encourage others.  But have you stopped and really thought about what it means to be CONTENT?  I mean, really thought about it?  I finally did.  I sat down and really self-reflected on my "contentment."  How does one find contentment when circumstances are less than desirable, when goals get railroaded and dreams seem so far away?  Then I thought about Paul, you know that Apostle guy who hated and killed Christians then became the greatest evangelist of all time?  The guy who was flogged and beaten within an inch of his life for sharing his faith and SANG in joyous praise while chained in a dark, filthy prison starving?  He found the secret to contentment.  Said better, Paul found JOY.  Joy doesn't depend on your surroundings like happiness does.  Joy runs deep; it runs all the way to the cross.  It is completely independent of circumstances.  Happiness comes and goes like a leaf blowing in the breeze, but joy has roots.

Allow me to be honest with you--I am no expert on contentment.  But I am becoming a very studious student on the subject.  My two children are making sure of that.  I've transformed from a self-absorbed (albeit very friendly and nice) gym rat to a busy mother of a two year old and a four month old.  I've transitioned from spending 12 hours in the gym each week to probably less than 4 hours a week of working out.  Now some of you may not think that's a big deal.  But to someone who used to find their identity and self worth in their physique, this change is really something to wrestle with.  I may not have the muscle mass I used to have.  My quads may not look like carved canyons right now, but I sure do like the way God is shaping my heart.  I like the way God has placed quality time with the people I love as a top priority in my life.

I've always loved my family and husband.  Even when I spent all my time in the gym.  But, to be painfully honest, I didn't always make their happiness a priority.  It pains me now to even write that bit of truth.  I never meant to be self-absorbed.  In fact, I thought I was being a great person.  I was using my motivating fitness energy to get others fit via my workout classes.  I loved teaching and I loved personal training.  I loved doing fitness shoots and even competitions.  People began noticing my ever-improving physique.  In fact, I became known for my insane workouts and "ripped" physique.  I stayed ripped.  All.  The.  Time.  I also stayed tired, sick and drained.  The better looking I became physically, the uglier I became on the inside.  I missed a lot of family time.  A lot.  I put my work and workouts first and expected my family to be happy with just "knowing" I loved them.  I dreaded eating at restaurants or holiday meals for fear of getting off track.  After all, if I wasn't ripped all the time, what a let down I would be to people, right?  (Insert severe sarcasm and disgust here).

If I could ask my "old self" a question right here, I'd like to say "What people were you afraid of letting down???"  The people that mattered the most were the ones I was neglecting.  God, in all His perfect wisdom, gave me an incredibly patient husband who stuck by my side during my super selfish years.  And one day, while reading "The Prodigal God," God opened my eyes to see what HE had placed before me.  My husband was like the patient father in the parable awaiting his wandering son to return home.  And when the son returned, the father showered him with love...  I had been wandering.  I had been looking for things to make me "happy."  But I didn't have JOY.  No, my joy was waiting on me--patiently.  I had been looking to a perfect body and packed out fitness classes to make me feel like I was somebody.

With this revelation, I broke down.  I realized how empty I was.  And I thanked God for waiting on me patiently to realize what was important.  My blessings were still waiting on me, and this time I was not going to take them for granted.  My husband and I began going on dates more.  I spent more time and meals with my family (I still ate healthy of course).  And when I was with my loved ones, I was mentally PRESENT for a change.  I wasn't thinking about my carb intake or what song I would choreograph next.  I just enjoyed them...  JOY.

Not long after my revelation, we became pregnant with our son.  I continued to workout and do my classes.  I was happy and joyful.  After a super healthy pregnancy (gained 14 pounds total), I quickly returned to my workouts but refused to let them interfere with family time.  In fact, I was even thinner than before I got pregnant and loved my new shape.  I worked out, yes, but it wasn't my life any more.  It wasn't my mental preoccupation anymore.

Then comes baby #2 and a tough pregnancy.  I slowly began having to give up things like my dance fitness, my class which I was most known for.  I could no longer dance.  Weight lifting was minimal.  And energy was hovering around NILCH.  Then when I hit 30 weeks, my father died, suddenly and tragically.  My heart broke that he wouldn't be with me physically when my daughter was born.  But I suddenly realized how grateful I was that family had become such a huge priority in my life.  I thanked God for giving me the energy I needed to drag my pregnant self and my toddler to many many breakfasts and lunches with my father--times that would have otherwise been spent working out at the gym.  While I wish I had not wasted so many years prior, I sure am glad I had these beautiful memories with him.  What a great God we serve.

My circumstances got unfavorable in this past year-- a harder pregnancy, letting go of a sense of identity, losing my sweet daddy.  But God gave me peace in the midst of tough times.  For one, I learned my sense of self worth and who I am is not wrapped up in my physique nor my fitness classes.  My identity is in Christ. I also still ended up with a very healthy pregnancy (gained 15 pounds total) and a beautiful baby girl.  I miss my father so very much.  I miss my body being ripped.  I miss having unlimited date nights with my husband.  I miss eating with two hands.  Actually I miss having time to eat, period.  But hey, I have two little babies who need me.  They think I'm invincible and can take away any hurt.  A tall order for a short girl!  You see, what God is teaching me about contentment right now, is that life is different now.  My circumstances are different.  No, I don't have hours and hours to spend at the gym chiseling my abs and quads and arms.  No, I don't have my father here anymore.  No, my husband and I don't have hours to sit on the couch and watch tv.  But God is sure showing me what I do have: a strong healthy body that can physically tote a baby carrier and an unusually tall/heavy toddler with two backpacks strapped on my back and not even break a sweat.  Good thing I had weight lifted all these years ;). No, my father is no longer here but he met my daughter before I did.  And he's with us more now than ever.  As for me and my husband, well, we dive into this mess called "life with children" together as a team.  We lean on each other in ways we never have before.  We pray together.  We encourage each other.  Life is surely more complicated, but it sure is sweeter.  Doesn't it always mean more when you work for it?

Life isn't glamorous.  I have had to accept that I'm in a phase of life right now that is very time-limited.  So for my working out, well, I workout HARD when I can.  I challenge myself every chance I get.  But I first check to see that my family is ok and I'm not putting anything on this earth above them.  It isn't easy.  My pride still creeps up here and there.  One sweet toddler rendering of "Five Monkeys on the Bed" and an infant's precious smile put that pride back where it belongs...  Pride should only have a place when discussing your Savior.  Be proud of what your Savior has done, is doing, and will do through you and your children.  And there, my friends, you'll find contentment.  You'll be able to have joy in all the phases of life you encounter when your happiness is rooted in your FAITH. 

SELF CHECK: What takes up the majority of your thinking time?  What takes up the majority of your time during the day?  What do you want people to remember you for?

 

SKA Fitness Launches BLOG Section!!!

Welcome to SKA Fitness, the BLOG.  The purpose of this BLOG is to be able to communicate with you in ways that I don't always have the chance to in classes.  Normally, we go to class, we talk before class begins, and afterwards we are too tired and sweaty to remember what our names are!  There is always so much I want to tell each of you to encourage you--those of you who come to class and those of you who can no longer join us in person.  I'm so excited to have this section of our website!  My goal is to encourage you, as I said before.  But I also want to challenge you in your fitness...not just your physical fitness but your spiritual fitness.  I want you to be strong and balanced from the inside out.  These blogs are for everyone--from the stressed out mom who has no time to shower (guilty!), to the father who needs a little push or maybe to understand his wife or daughter better, to the single peeps out there, to everyone of every age!  We all need some encouragement and just someone to laugh with from time to time:)  So thank you for joining me on this BLOG!  I hope it will help you in some way:)